I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
