If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
whose parrot is this?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
