He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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