so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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