You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
