Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
