I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
