I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
