there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
