Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
How does one acquire holy water?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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