you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
