Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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