somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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