Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
