The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
