Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
