you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I smell stomach acid.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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