we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
