my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
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I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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