I bet he comes in French.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
