therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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