i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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