There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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