Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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