I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
