let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Randomize
