I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
