im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
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I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
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He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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