i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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