ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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