my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
