i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
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I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
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Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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