I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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