I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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