Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
