Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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