There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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