She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
