my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
did i just pee glitter
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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