I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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