I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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