so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
