Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my being single is dangerous.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
