Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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