What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
