at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Someone came in the potted fern
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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