All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
