guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
