You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
