well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
