You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
no you cant smoke seaweed
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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