ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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