i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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