From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
