I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
