i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
