You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
