ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
