There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
