woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
