Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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