Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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