Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
