Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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