So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
