shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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