he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
the liver wants what the liver wants
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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