Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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