dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Bring me that man meat
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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