It's like God shit irony all over that family
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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