I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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